Honeymoon Effects

My husband and I recently participated in a game organized by my church to mark this year's mothering sunday. It was a game of "know your spouse" and as fate may have it, we didn't win. The questions were based on the things we usually take for granted like, "What's the colour of your spouse's toothbrush?" and so on.
However, I learned something very important.
The women were made to sit apart from their husbands while answering the questions. to maintain speed and fairness, the questions were written.
When the organizers started calling out our answers, one of the women participant sitting beside me made a comment about I and my husband's answers. Coincidentally, her husband made the same comment to my husband on their own side of the stage.
What was the comment you may ask. They said that our answers rhyme together because we are newly married. now mind you, we got some of the answers wrong. likewise the couple that won.
When we got back home and started discussing what transpired, it dawned on me what the lady and her husband meant. As time goes on in our marriage, we tend to stop taking note of the simple and seeming insignificant things in our marriage.
Is this a case of familiarity breeds insult? i think not. I just feel that the familiarity makes us to be relaxed and stop paying attention. Any wonder why at times, we get tired of our spouses and even hearing them talk? Or  we seek other ways to "make" our lives exciting? Like going out and making new "friends" in some cases, looking for fun and adventure?
I strongly believe that familiarity in marriage should cause us to ignore the little things that make marriage what it is. I believe that familiarity should make us to search for new things in our spouses. And even when we don't find any, create one. After all, the beauty of marriage is the creator himself, of whose, depending on the choices you have made, image you are.
Believe me. I know how tough it can be to maintain a marriage filled with fun and joy. At first, I didn't believe my husband when he told me that we could be married and not quarrel after I told him that quarreling is an accepted norm in marriages. Well this is two years and counting and I've stopped waiting for us to quarrel. Instead, God has given me the grace to make my own input of fun and creativity.
Of course, there are times when we bore each other. That's when we notice the something insignificant around us and start discussing it as if our lives depend on it. Come to think of it, I think it does.
The long and short of it is that, when you start feeling withdrawn from your marriage, that's the best time to notice the little things around and in your marriage. after all, that's what you did when you were courting, right?

The little things do really matter most especially in marriage. They keep the fire burning. And there is no harm in knowing your spouse via the little things. After all, it is the little things that signal us when things are going wrong with our marriage. And it is the little things that bind us together.

May God help us to pay attention to the little things and bless our marriages with overflowing joy and happiness.

Have fun and don't forget that God is beauty of marriage.

Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Irreconcilable Differences

One phrase that keeps recurring as a result of the current rave for divorce is "Irreconcilable Differences". This is usually an abridged version of "I am tired of this marriage. I want out." Some people use it without understanding its true meaning.

During marriage counselling sessions, we are told to work in harmony as a couple, with emphasis on having a common purpose, be willing to make sacrifices for your family. The only thing we are told about our differences is to try and strike a balance when they occur or better still, discard any difference that will want to cause problems in our marriage. We are never told how much good differences can do us if utilized.

It seems as if differences are the bane of many marriages. What we don’t seem to understand is that life is built on difference likewise marriage. When God created the earth, the first thing He did, was to create two totally different things, light and darkness. And from then on, everything he created was different from the other; male and female, land animals, air animals and sea animals, etc. Even plants are different from each other. He even went a step further, each creation has a location where they thrive; fishes do well in water, certain living things only live in the desert, etc. Even marriage is built on differences, Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve or Eve and Evelyn as being promoted in some quarters.

Look around you, you’ll hardly find anything that functions on a single part. It is different parts that make the whole and keeps our world moving.

God knew what He was doing when He made marriage to be between male and female, people of different parts, character, thinking, temperament etc.

It is important for couples to have common goals and aspirations to ensure a successful marriage. It is equally important that couples utilize their differences to guarantee a happy marriage. Honestly, if having things in common is the key that starts the marriage vehicle, then difference is what moves the engine forward. Even though I and my husband have several things in common, like name, faith and belief; we also have our differences, he is quick-tempered and I am not, his big and tall while I am short and small, he eats a lot while I don’t and so many others too numerous to mention. Truth is, our differences far out-weigh our common grounds. But that doesn’t stop us from getting along. In fact, we do not tolerate each other. We allow each other to be ourselves, stand our ground where necessary and give way where necessary. Once we were talking about the food I cook, there is this particular one that I like so much, abacha, a local delicacy made from cassava shreds. After many months of eating it, my husband said to me, “Because I eat it, does not mean I like it. That doesn’t mean that I eat it because I don’t have a choice”. Despite this declaration, whenever we visit Enugu, he makes sure that we make a stop at our usual abacha joint.

The point am getting at is in marriage, there will be differences whether we like it or not. But we must be willing to forgive and reconcile these differences to our own. Marriage is a shadow of what our relationship with God should be like. Imagine a man so mighty stooping down to call us friend and relate with us at both our own level and His. It’s such that, even when we go astray He does not discard us; but draws us closer to Him and forgives our trespass. That is what marriage should be like, relating with each other on each other’s level and forgiving at every error. There’s no limit to forgiveness. You forgive until death puts you apart.

When Jesus was questioned about divorce, His reply was,

“He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.”  (Matthew 19:8).

You may want to defend yourself using the next verse after it,

“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.  (Matthew 19:9)

by saying, “But He/She cheated on me and so I cannot forgive him. Divorce is the only way out. I want to be happy again.” Here’s Jesus’ answer,

“Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”(Matthew 18:21-22)

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Here’s my question to you, how long do you plan to count your spouse’s sins? Be prepared to count till death because offence will never cease. Do you expect forgiveness when you can’t forgive? If yes, then you are not only selfish, but wicked. God won’t forgive you until you forgive. So you see, with God divorce is not an option. In fact he categorically said,

For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.  (Malachi 2:16)

Ask anybody who knows what a happy marriage is, And you’ll learn that no marriage is devoid of differences. Learn to reconcile your differences. Keep “me, myself and I” at bay and you’ll enjoy your marriage. One thing I know is that, love is one sided. My love for my husband doesn’t depend on him, it depends on me. Why? He is bound to disappoint at any time. After all, he is only human. Acknowledgement and acceptance of individual differences and reconciling them into a collective difference in your marriage with God as your middle-man ensures lasting happiness and enduring love. Divorce is for sissies and those who do not know God. You can’t have God in your marriage and difference becomes a problem. Differences can be a strength if reconciled in love.

May God help us to accept our differences and remove evry form of selfishness In Jesus name, amen.

The Fireproof Marriage

These are some fireproof tips I gleaned from the movie, Fireproof. If you can find it, watch it and you may find other tips I missed.


1. Do not use negative words.

2. Do an act of kindness.

3. Help out with domestic chores. Help-meet works both ways. There's no wife that won't appreciate a thoughtful husband.

4. Buy something for your spouse. It isn't a bribe. It just shows that you think of him/her while away. And what you buy doesn't have to be expensive. However cheap it may be, if it meets a need/desire, it will generate joy unspeakable.

5. Ask if you can do anything.

6. Ask about your spouse's welfare. Be sensitive to his/her mood.

7. Pray for your spouse. No matter how religious or holy they are, he/she is still a human being. Your prayer shouldn't only be about protection and success, but that God should keep them from temptation. Everybody is liable to mistakes.

8. Listen to your spouse. Don't just here what he/she is saying, listen and understand clearly what they are saying (Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger - James 1:19).

9. Study your spouse. That is, continuously learn. The learning shouldn't end at courtship. It gets more thorough in marriage.

10. Try to be romantic. Don't allow the romance to end at courtship.

11. Communicate more often. Say your mind with wisdom.

12. Value your marriage vows more than anything in life. It is the mark of responsibility. People who live up to their words won't consider divorce even when others break theirs.

13. Lay aside ANYTHING that steal away your loyalty (addictions like internet, gambling, porn, excessive drinking etc.)

14. Don't allow vocabularies like "Sorry", "Thank you", "I love you" to be absent from your marriage. Don't get tired of saying them. They can't be over-said.

15. Always PRAY.

16. Admit when you are wrong and sincerely apologize. It isn't weakness to say sorry. And when you are right... shut up!

17. Ask God to give you special love to love unconditionally. Love constantly even if it constantly rejected.
( And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving  husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now they are holy. - 1 Corinthians 7:13 - 14)

18. Remember to always revisit your marriage vows.

19. You can't give what you don't have. Give what you expect.

20. That you are fireproof doesn't mean the fire won't be too hot.

21. If someone is wooing you while you are still married, what makes you think he/she won't do it when he/she is married to you?

22. You never leave your partner especially during a fire. Marriages are made in heaven. So is thunder and lightening.

23. Divorce doesn't bring peace.


May God grant you peace and joy in your marriage. God bless you!

The Adventures of Marriage - 3

I went to take my bath while he was cooking.
The only problem was that by the time I came back, the food had reduced in half while still on the fire.

After how many months, my husband is now competing with Olusegun Obasanjo at "Who Has The Biggest Belly" competition.

Since after valentine, we now have a new insecticide, my husband's fart.
So far, 5 dead flies and 10 injured mosquitoes.
God has been good for me not to fall sick.
That is the casualty report so far. More news later.
God help me! 

Comment with your own marriage adventures.

The Adventures of Marriage - 2

With gratitude to God and with heaviness of heart, we the Blessing family regret to announce the THROWING AWAY of our python meat for lack of liver (courage) to consume the delicacy so well prepared. Actually, the cooking enhanced the skin colour patterns making it look more alive than dead. In fact, my super strong, super brave, ebube dike, heavy-chested, the man who carries two cement-filled 200 litre drums for dumb-bells husband, completely ran away from the pot (for the first time since we got married) and declared with authority and finality, that the sumptous meal be evicted from his humble abode (another first, rejecting food). I gladingly, happily, rejoicing and without a second thought, threw the errant meat as far as I can throw. I then washed my pot with jik, bleach, klin, omo, sand and arial, and every stain-removing solution imaginable, to remove any evidence that might remain.
Well, we were able to bruise the serpent's head but could not devour it. May its flesh rot without smelling in Jesus name, and my husband screams amen.
Thank God for marriage. In my parents house, I wouldn't think of cooking the snake, let alone eat it. It was fun while it lasted though. At least it kept my husband from caressing the pot as usual. LOL!
May God fill our marriage with fun-filled moments in Jesus name, amen.

The Adventures of Marriage - 1

After my landlord and husband killed a big python beside our house on the evening of may day, I thought that tasting it would be exciting.
I wanted to use some and make ora soup (local Igbo dish). My husband said peppersoup is better.
Well, I've made peppersoup out of it. The major problem is, who will eat it. Our stomach make funny sounds just thinking about the snake. In fact, my husband joked that he now sleeps with a snake in his house. I heard that it is sweet but I'm finding it scary to eat it.
Does anybody care for some snake? Python to be precise.

The Blame Game

I don't understand some married people. They neglect their partner's most basic needs then wonder why they (spouse) go somewhere else to have them met, blaming everyone but themselves.

Take responsibility for your actions. The attitude of blaming others is getting old.

God bless you!